Let’s start pondering on these questions as parents…
- Is the Pandemic the reason for our children being gadget bound?
- What is the real reason behind children being bound to gadgets?
- Is digital-detox possible with children in this Virtually bound world?
If this Pandemic is the reason for children dwelling over gadgets, it should haven been a newer problem of 2020. But this cry for a remedy for digital detox amongst children is very much a reality in existence since a decade and is on it’s constant conquer of more and more space, time, energy and the whole self of our children. Hence, the first question in the queue is ruled out.
Coming to the next one, it is of crucial need to understand the ‘Why’ factor behind their usage of gadgets. Children who are generally bound to their phone or tablet or ipad, do so for their engagement into games or social media. If your child is dwelling on games, forgetting that he/she is hungry, sleepy, thirsty and even forgetting to pee, then there is something that really holds them on to it, right? Every game has charming features like gold coins, points, entry to newer levels, super shoes, super jackets, skypass, whatever form is it, it guarantees a ‘SENSE OF ACHIEVEMENT’ to the child towards which they strive hard yet with love. Once something is achieved, it triggers the ‘dopamine rush’ in their brain, the neurotransmitter that is simply called the ‘feel good chemical’. The abundance of fulfillment and the magic this dopamine creates in them is the actual reason for them to be bound to their games.
Another reason why children are bound to gadgets in common, especially in their adolescence including pre & post too, is Social Media. The same ‘dopamine rush’ is experienced by the child when there is a ‘like or comment’. The ecstasy it creates in their self (especially in adolescence when the hormonal imbalances are high) is incomparable that keeps them motivated to post more pictures, venture into newer apps, and the wildest form takes a defaming shape at times too.
And now comes the final question of apex significance. You would be surprised to know that ‘digital withdrawal’ is very much doable with children. The key point is, as a parent you need to identify a factor that creates ‘sense of achievement’ to your child to compensate the ‘dopamine rush’ he/she is used to so for. If games and social media as external agents can rightly pitch in with what children and adolescents would require as a whole, to have the dopamine rush, it is definitely not difficult to us as a parent of our own child. Spending quality time with our children is the best hack that can unwind their craving for gadgets, will to be on social presence and so on.
Can we please stop for a moment here and contemplate on these questions…
* Have I ever attempted to show my child a way to wean off the digital obsession (other than cribbing, if that being the case)?
* Have I ever channelized his/her ample time into a productive one?
* Have I ever set myself as an example for restricting my digital usage to a confined time and space?
We would be able to do better justice to this mission of “Digitally Detoxifying our children” only if we have answers to these. Just being with them physically, operating our routine professional deadlines or having a common TV time isn’t a valid one. It is a dedicated, productive, quality time that is meant for the child. When I say quality time, I mean only a minimal time of around 30 minutes to 1 hour per day. In fact none of us can give the whole of the time in this fast-paced, competitive world. But trust me, this short time if leveraged effectively is sufficient to keep the ‘fire to achieve’ in the child blazing, to have the ecstasy of the dopamine rush he/she gets on achieving something and getting a reward. With the cat out of the bag now, YOU have to dig into how much, when and how are you going to convert your available time into quality parent time.
Here we go…
1. Understand, as a parent what motivates your child and why?
2. Accept that it is important to the child from his/her point of view.
3. If the identified motive of your child is not worthy, reason out, give examples and make the child understand it isn’t worthy.
4. Suggest an alternative meaningful motive, that is close to his/her preference.
5. Never try to push the child to your preferences as a parent.
6. Help them to travel towards meaningful goals.
7. Make sure the goal is visually displayed in a prominent place.
8. Have a tracking system that is transparent between you and your child, preferably a chart next to the goal chart.
9. Nail down specific factors to be considered to measure their progress towards the goal.
10. Reward them appropriately, so that they journey is not temporary.
The quality time that you are going to spend with your child is only to set a base for this. Then they are on autonomous mode even off your presence, and they stay away from gadgets too, because they behold a better need for achievement in front of them.
Without being sceptical, please do start giving in your 100% with 30 minutes to begin and observe the changes that happen. Nevertheless, digital withdrawal of children is IMPOSSIBLE WITHOUT YOUR LITTLE TIME AND EFFORT towards it as parents. If we are not ready as parents to give in this easy attempt, there is not point in expecting hard changes from our children.
Mere cribbing will take you nowhere! Let’s take a step towards Trait-FULL Parenting!
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